


You'll Rise Again (Treebros)

by majesticdragonair



Category: Dear Evan Hansen - Pasek & Paul/Levenson
Genre: Anxiety, Anxiety Attacks, Crushes, Depression, Friends to Lovers, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Suicide, M/M, Not Beta Read, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Slow Burn, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide Attempt
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-10-28
Updated: 2017-11-06
Packaged: 2019-01-25 13:15:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 3,763
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12532256
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/majesticdragonair/pseuds/majesticdragonair
Summary: (On hold) Evan is slowly falling into a dark hole, and the person who everyone tells him is bad news is the one who brings him back.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [sketchiimutt](https://archiveofourown.org/users/sketchiimutt/gifts).



> a gift for sketchii, cause she got me into this fandom so it's her fault i'm obsessed with this musical.
> 
> a warning to dark and explicit thoughts, but not to worry; none of these will get acted on
> 
> title from you will be found :')

Evan could admit a lot of things when he was in this headspace. He could feel the leaves under his body crunch whenever he adjusted his body, arm flaring in pain whenever he tried to move it. He knew that he'd broken it, but he couldn't get the courage in himself to get up and head up the short walk to his home, where he knew his mother would give him medical attention as quick as she could.

 

But that's not what he wanted. He felt so lonely inside right now, since the beginning of the school year. The only person he could think that he'd spent time with was Jared, but it was always in a flicker, because he knew he wasn't the most important person in the other male's life. It was always Evan and himself, head towards his shoes whenever he walked in the halls so wouldn't have to deal with the stress and anxiety of fucking up with other people.

 

He let out a wince when he shifted his numb foot slightly, jarring his broken arm, which rested on his stomach. He let out a slight whimper on despair, not hearing the leaves crunching under someone else's body as they walked closer

 

“Are you alright?”

 

Evan nearly jumped out of his skin, sharply turning his body to the left to look at the teenager dressed in all black standing on his left, brain registering who it was as soon as they saw the face of the person. Connor Murphy, the typical bad boy of the school, the one everyone said to stay away from. The one who did drugs in the bathroom instead of being in class, and the person Evan helplessly crushed on (which, Jared loved to poke him about whenever they crossed paths, much to Evan’s annoyance).

 

Evan’s face exploded into a dark red color, looking away as he tried to control his breathing, which only got caught in his throat when he made a strangling sound as he went to move his left arm, eyes clenching such. Regardless, he felt nervous around the standing male, and not wanting to anger Connor with his shitty troubles, nodded slightly. “I-I’m fine,” he stuttered out quietly, knowing he was heard by the lack of wind around them.

 

However, he saw the black combat boots walk closer. It caused him to look up as Connor crouched down, and they locked eyes.

 

And oh dear god, Connor had the prettiest blue eyes.

 

He gulped when Connor started speaking. “Don’t lie to me,” his voice was snappy, but he quickly covered it up with his usual monotone sound. “Are you alright?”

 

Evan’s face continued to stay red, so much that he could feel it growing warmer by the second. He stuttered out his answer. “N-No, not r-really...”

 

Connor’s lips seemed to twitched, as if happy Evan hadn’t lied to him again. “I’m going to help you up, and then I’m going to work you home, got it kid?”

 

Evan hurriedly nodded, his heart not slowing down as Connor did as he said, arms pulling him by the waist and lips letting out apologies whenever Evan would let a sound of pain slip past his lips. Soon, the two were walking side by side, out of the tree filled park and towards the streets that led to Evan’s home.

 

Evan wanted to talk about it, though. He knew the thought going through Connor’s mind would be thinking Evan was worthless, that he was a stupid boy who’d fallen out of a tree. And if anyone asked, that’s exactly what he’d tell them.

 

Because why would Evan tell someone he’d jumped out of that tree, hoping for a short moment it’d take his life?


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i'm going to keep the chapters short, maybe? but that means i might update more, maybe. it depends. we'll see.

Ever since he was a little kid, Evan would cry when things got too overwhelming for him. Before his father left, he would always yell at Evan about it, calling him a girl, always telling him to man up. Which wouldn’t help and make him cry more. It’s always why people called him a “mommy’s boy”. But he loved her with his entire being. She would hold him tight and whisper how it’s okay to cry, about how everything would get better, even if you had to hold a hand to get to ‘better’.

 

He always told her everything bad that would happen. He told her the anxiety, the fear of people, the lack of friends (excluding Jared, he guessed…), and the homosexual thoughts (until he came out as bisexual, in which she was completely accepting of, as long as he was happy and safe with his partner).

 

But this depression; these dark thoughts that seemed to submerge him into a darkness that choked him whenever he tried to breath, was something he felt had to be locked away into a heavy built safe. His mother already had enough to deal with involving Evan, especially raising him herself from the age of eight and up, that he felt he shouldn’t tell her.

 

Ever since his father left, Heidi raised him by herself. That meant she worked a lot of shifts at the local hospital as a nurse to provide for them both, and if that meant he sometimes had to make dinner for himself, so beat it. When he was younger, he would’ve been mad (and he was. That had to be the darkest point of their relationship by far). Now, he understood.

 

Doesn’t make the loneliness he felt any easier to cope with, though. But he was happy to wake up the morning after going to the hospital to get his arm fixed and casted (for six long weeks too) with a quick greeting from his mother.

She held his cheek. “I’m sorry, Evan. I have an early shift today, so I can’t help you with breakfast this morning.”

 

Evan forced a smile, and while he didn’t feel upset for the happenings, it felt wrong. “It’s okay, mum. I understand. That means dinner tonight, right?”

 

She smiled back, easily not faked and wide, bright. He loved her smiles; always filled with hope and joy, happiness. “Yes it does, baby.” She quickly leaned down and kissed his cheek, most likely leaving a smudge of a lipstick stain. She turned back to the kitchen counter to grab her handbag and car keys, and a white marker of some sorts, which was handed to her son.

 

He was a little surprised when the permanent black marker was placed in his right (good) hand, looking up at his mother, who was still smiling. She ruffled his unwashed hair as she spoke. “Ask people to sign your cast. I know you don’t want to, Evan, but you’ll make friends that way. Just try your best today, okay? I love you.”

 

He nodded, eyes glimmering as she walked to the garage door and walked out, door shut behind her and Evan listened to the car drive out of the garage next to the kitchen.

 

He loved her, and she may not understand how crippling he felt sometimes by his anxiety and depression, but she was doing her best. That’s all that mattered.

 

At least, that’s what Evan tried to tell himself, but he ended up crawling to the living room couch and sobbed, marker shaking in his hand at the thought of talking to people he didn’t know about signing something they didn’t even care about.


	3. Chapter 3

He winced when he walked into someone as he tried to enter the school library, casted arm bumping what he could’ve guess was someone’s chest. He wasn’t the shortest person in the school, not by far, but he had to crane his head to look up at Connor Murphy, whose face was stoic. At least he wasn’t angry, which was good. Evan would’ve been shoved to the ground if he was.

 

Connor grunted, fringe covering his eyes as he did so. “Who the f- oh, it’s you.” He locked eyes with Evan, who swore he felt his bottom lip tremble. “Evan, right?”

 

Evan could only widen his eyes as he heard the words, severally surprised that Connor had actually remembered his name. Before he could stutter out his response, one which he knew he’d be kicking himself for later, Connor spoke up again. “You got a marker on you?”

 

The shorter boy used his non-casted arm to move his hand to his jeans pocket, feeling the marker his mother had given him that morning, not having the heart to leave it there for her to see, knowing she’d be disappointed that he hadn’t done as she asked. He pulled it out, shaking slightly. “U-Uh, yeah, here?” it sounded almost like a question, lips stuttering around the words.

 

Connor’s face didn’t change as he almost snatched the marker, Evan feeling ignorant to the action. He felt a little surprised when his casted arm was gently taken into the other’s hands, rough fingers soft against his skin. Even though Connor’s intentions were clear, Evan couldn’t help his face going red as he watched Connor write his name along his cast, nice and big. He popped the lid back on the black marker and looked up to Evan’s face, smirk spreading across his lips when he saw the blush adorning his face and Evan felt his heart do so many things at once.

 

Connor pulled away when Evan’s fingers wrapped around his marker, both not taking their eyes of each other. Connor was still smirking when he spoke, “See you around, Evan. Loners like us got to stay together, right?”

 

And with that, he walked around the shorter, who seemed frozen on the spot. And holy shit, Evan thought, today when from crappy to excellent in the span of an hour.

 

-

 

Least to say, Jared noticed. Evan wouldn’t doubt for a second he wouldn’t (hell, he’d be worried if Jared hadn’t yelled across the locker halls like he had), but it didn’t scare him any less.

 

He jumped and accidentally slammed his locker door shut, somehow dropping his books for second period and locking the locker. He’d managed to dodge Jared before first, since they didn’t share it, but he clearly wasn’t fast enough this time.

 

He watched as Jared ran over, looking Evan from his casted arm, half of Connor’s name visible as the cast hung there like a second skin. Jared was grinning, no way smirking like the almost seductive way Connor had, but it sent chills down his spine. He knew Jared was going to tease him, but-

 

“Boy Evan, you sure were quick to get into his pants, huh?” Jared commented, and Evan could feel his face burst into flames from embarrassment of his words. He felt angry by them, but felt himself deflate, suddenly exhausted. He couldn’t be bothered going off at his partial friend, feeling the darkness creeping up behind him as he fiddled with the ends of his shirt.

 

Jared kept going, though. “What’d you do, anyway?”

 

Evan felt his stomach turn, thoughts to himself looking over his feet and watching the ground below him with a dark cloud swirling above his head as he contemplated the consequences of ‘falling’ over the edge, deciding they were worth it. He still was unsure if it was.

 

Evan stuttered, of course. “I- Uh. Fell. Out of a tree, y-yeah.” He mumbled, looking away when Jared didn’t say anything.

 

Until he started giggling. “Man, Hansen, you fell out of a tree? Pretty ironic, huh, tree lover?”

 

Evan shouldn’t feel sad by his words. After all, Jared had obviously bought the lie. But maybe he wished he hadn’t, or that somebody would notice that Evan wasn’t all sunshine and rainbows.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i couldn't not have the sign cast scene in it, guys, c'mon.  
> also, a little sadder in the next few chapters, i think this might only be about ten chapters? we'll see; something like that, anyway


	4. Chapter 4

He kept thinking of that damn tree.

 

He kept thinking of how the slightly wet wood from the morning Saturday dew felt under his hands. How he let the breeze move his dangling legs back and forth. The sounds of bristling tree branches and leaves, or the occasional chirps of birds.

 

And then dark clouds, clogging his mind. Ripping away his sense, choking him and forcing him to listen to things he wished he could have enough self-power to ignore, to throw away, and to not believe.

 

You’re worthless.

 

Pathetic.  
  
A sorry excuse for a son.

 

No one would care if you just died.

 

And he believed them.

 

-

 

He couldn’t breathe. He was choking. He couldn’t see, except for the darkness that seemed to surround his mind. His hands gripped his head as he breathed deeply through his mouth, rocking back and forth as he clenched his eyes shut and pressed his forehead to his folded knees. He could smell the smoke around him, knowing he’d raced to the closest bathroom in the school, which happened to smell of weed. Everyone would’ve said it was infamous Connor Murphy, and they were probably right.

 

He didn’t hear the bell ring, or the sounds of classroom doors slamming open and shut, voices of the school body seeming to surround him and drone on, providing as background noise to his invasive thoughts. Evan felt a little dumb that he hadn’t hid in one of the stalls, but he felt too much like lead to get up now.

 

Not until the bathroom door was slammed open violently, causing Evan to crank his head up to see a grumpy Connor, scowl on his face and ears looking like they could steam.

 

The taller of the two let the door shut but seemed to freeze when he saw Evan, and the way the casted boy was shivering, his hair a mess and eyes swollen and red from crying, puffy cheeks and scared lips. Connor let his angry look drop to a slightly softer look, lips pulling to a thin line. Evan stuffed his head back into his knees and continued shaking, trying not to think about how much Connor could just tease and beat him up for being such a weakling, and-

 

He practically jumped to the roof when Connor stumbled over and sat next to Evan, opting to keep his legs out straight and lean his head against the tile wall. Neither said anything; Connor staring straight ahead, Evan choosing to watch Connor breath, unconsciously trying to match those slow breaths.

 

And it wasn’t a friend. But for now, it was enough.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i feel this isn't as good nor as long as the others but i felt okay with the structure + the plot and felt like writing so ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯


	5. Chapter 5

Evan couldn’t believe he’d forgotten to do a letter to show his therapist for the afternoon. It was Monday, a new week, something to look forward to. And being a Monday, meant that he got to see his therapist, Dr. Strauss, just like he did every week. When he first starting seeing her, he was so happy that his mother had quickly taken action when he told her about his social anxiety.

 

Right now however, it was still before his first period. He was in the computer pod, seemingly alone as he typed up his letter for his therapist. He’d gotten use to the cast fairly quickly, knowing how to move it so it wouldn’t hurt his arm too much. He could still use his fingers, but it was still hard to type. Thankfully, he wasn’t left handed, he supposed.

 

‘Dear Evan Hansen,

 

This week is going to a good week, and here’s why. Because you might be on the road to making a new friend. Connor Murphy isn’t such a bad person after all. Because your mum said taco Tuesday would be happening, and you miss those. Because your birthday’s coming up and maybe Jared will play some video games.

 

Sincerely,   
Your most best, and dearest friend, Me.’

 

He hit the print button and heard the paper starting to print out, turning in the desk chair to grab the paper. At that exact moment, however, Connor walked through the door, sullen look on his face like it always was. He saw Evan and opened his mouth to say something, but he heard the printer and diverted his attention.

 

“This yours, Hansen?” he asked as he walked over to the machine, picking up the paper. Evan felt his heart spike as he rushed to stand up. But he watched as Connor’s face changed to a frown, meeting gazes with the shorter.

 

“What the fuck is this?” he asked, voice laced with venom. Evan snatched the paper out of Connor’s palms, the boy looking surprised by the action but seemingly more pissed by it too.

 

“I don’t what the fuck that is, Hansen, but why does it have my name on it, huh? If you got something bad to say, you say it to my face and not by notes,” he snarled, stepping forward as if he was going to stomp on Evan. He probably would’ve (and could’ve, with the way Evan was curling in on himself).

 

Evan shook his head, giving himself a headache but he didn’t care. This wasn’t supposed to happen like this. “N-No, n-nothing bad C-Connor, I-I-“ he cut himself off when he looked up at Connor and saw the look he was giving Evan, causing his heart to spike in fear of what exactly was going to happen next. He was petrified, realizing just how scary Connor was and why everyone steered away from him.

 

“But what? Who is the so important to that you snatched it away from me?” Connor growled. They were now toe to toe, Connor seeming to be taller than before in Evan’s eyes.

 

Evan stuttered over his words, not knowing whether or not he should tell Connor it was for his therapist, because yes, he had social anxiety. Because yes, he wasn’t exactly perfect and amazing. Evan’s sure nobody would be surprised by the information, but that doesn’t mean he wants people to know.

 

Connor seemed frustrated by the lack of an answer, face blooming into anger as he grabbed the collar of the Evan’s shirt. “Answer, will you?”

 

Evan’s eyes widened as he felt his shirt get pulled forward by the fist, and his mouth dropped and he cried in a slightly loud voice, “I-it’s for my t-therapist, okay?!”

 

He was released instantly, the words quickly reaching Connor’s ears as Evan stumbled back. The two were frozen, but the bell rung overhead. Evan quickly raced out of the computer pod, grabbing his school bag, but completely forgetting about the computer, screen still displaying his letter.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> and this, my children, is where things pick up

The rest of the day had passed like a blur, Evan’s mind seeming to force him not to concentrate as he moved from class to class. He didn’t see Connor for the rest of the day either, which meant he either skipped or avoided Evan.  Evan couldn’t say he blamed him if it was the latter; he’d avoid himself too after the debacle they had that morning.

 

Even as he saw Doctor Strauss that afternoon after school, extremely crumpled letter in hand, Evan couldn’t concentrate on anything that was happening around him. Of course his mum couldn’t make it that afternoon, which wasn’t rare in itself, but he’d been hoping. His therapist said she was happy Evan was making a new friend, but that’s all that he could remember.

 

-

 

When Evan opened his locker the next morning, he wasn’t expecting to see a note stuck to the inside of the door. He stared at the folded white paper before ripping it off, looking around the empty hall, as if expecting someone to jump out and prank him.

 

But as stated, not another soul drifted in the early morning along with him, so he looked back to the note and opened it slowly.

 

**“Meet me at the apple orchard after school. Connor.”**

 

_Holy fucking shit._

Evan couldn’t believe his eyes, not realising his hands were shaking as he read the words over and over in his head. He hadn’t expected Connor’s handwriting to be so neat, but then again, he never knew what to expect from the other male.

 

-

 

School passed quickly, and Evan hadn’t spotted Connor through the mess of other students during the entire day, his only means of contact with him being the note that stayed tucked in his jeans pocket the entire day, almost as if it was on fire by how much Evan’s thoughts drifted to it. Then to the apple orchard, and the tree which he had sat on and watched the sky, watched the ground, watch _ing_ as it seemed to move upwards until-

 

The bell for the end of school rung, causing his head to ring as his jumped slightly, seeming to almost loose his breath as he caught up to the real world, watching as his classmates walked out of his business management class. He hurriedly packed up, shivering with nervousness as he got to his locker and packed his bag with what he needed.

 

Meet me at the apple orchard.

 

-

 

The first thing he could see that was different about the place was the dingy pick-up truck, situated just outside the gate. He could make out a figure sitting on the bonnet, and as Evan got closer, he could make out the person to be Connor. Connor Murphy, sitting on a rusted truck clearly older than himself. Evan winced when he got closer and the dead leaves under his feet crunched, gaining the attention of Connor. It wasn’t that Evan was scared of Connor, but he was reminded of the last time he saw Conner.

 

Connor seemed to almost red his thoughts, sighing and looking away. After a moment of silence between the two, Connor moved over slightly. “Get up here Evan.”

 

Evan swallowed the saliva gathering in his throat and hurriedly made his way to the front of the truck, letting his lips curl up into a small smile as Connor grabbed his good hand and helped him up, feet pushing off the front bumper as leverage. The two sat in silence again, but it was a short one as Connor shifted, as if uncomfortable.

 

“…I’m sorry for yesterday,” he said lowly, as if not being use to apologizing. He probably wasn’t, and with those two thoughts, Evan couldn’t help but watch as he talked with a surprised gaze. “I didn’t… shit.” Connor sighed and covered his eyes as he leaned over, still talking. “…I didn’t know. But I’m glad you’re getting help?” his tone tuned up slightly as if it was a question, and he growled, as if angered that he sounded like he had.

 

Silence drifted between them, comfortably, before Connor was the one to break it again. “And I’d like to be friends with you, Hansen.”

 

Their eyes met as Connor looked up, and Evan nodded, feeling his lips smile as Connor returned it.


End file.
